Amy Chua’s, ”Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” (published by The Wall Street Journal), is a piece that attempts to explain the principles of Chinese parenting and how those values have given birth to a culture that produces high achieving students en masse. However, Chua’s efforts in providing ‘understanding’ of these values come off more so as a rant that is centric to the Chinese culture rather than an insightful article. In fact, throughout her piece Chua maintains a tone that can be perceived as condescending, which could prove to be detrimental to her credibility amongst her audience. With that said, it would be difficult for many readers to regard Chua’s piece as plausible, for it shows bias and fails to adequately acknowledge or credit other forms of child-rearing.
Perhaps one of the major reasons why Chua’s piece isn’t sufficient is because it had a tone that was centered on Chinese culture. So patronizing was her piece, that it seemingly ridicules the values and ethics of other cultures. In one instance she states: “Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight A’s… [While] Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best” [Chua 9]. Chua’s choice of words clearly paints the Chinese parent as superior, particularly when it comes to authoritativeness. Her use of words such as “order” sends across a message that Chinese parenting requires an immense amount of control, which is portrayed as being essential to ‘successful’ parenting and ensuring a positive academic turnout on part of the student. Juxtaposed to phrases like “can only ask” for example, which appears to illustrate ‘Western’ parenting as too submissive thus being inferior to its Chinese counterpart. Such connotations could work against Chua’s clout as a writer in the sense that she depicts one subject as being better than another. In short, by portraying one culture’s ideologies as being superior to that of another, it is likely that Chua’s readers may reject her piece for they may interpret it is as being ethnocentric.
Probably what also helped to fuel the folly of Chua’s piece is the fact that she allows her voice to become bigger than her, hence leading her to not give adequate recognition of other cultural parenting styles. In one instance, Chua tries to pass off her use of the term “Chinese mothers” as an umbrella term for other cultures that may share similar values/customs when it comes to child-rearing. She states: “I'm using the term ‘Chinese mother’ loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too” [Chua 2]. However throughout the rest of her piece, Chua almost exclusively uses the phrase “Chinese” as opposed to identifying the other nationalities she had mentioned previously. Such a move can cause her readers to feel as if their culture is being ignored, thus failing to appeal to a wider and more diverse audience (probably killing all her prospects in establishing a solid audience).
Chua’s attempt to portray education as a top priority within Chinese society is also one that is contorted, on the grounds that it is a notion that is baseless. As Chua gloats about how education is a pillar of Chinese culture, she provides little to no evidence to substantiate her claim. In one instance, Chua speaks of a ‘study’ that asked ninety-eight women (fifty of whom were ‘Western’, the rest being Chinese) on how education should be enforced upon children: “In one study… 70% of the Western mothers said…that ‘stressing academic success is not good for children’… [while] 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way.” [Chua 4]. Meanwhile, Chua has failed to provide any sources to back her claim. With a lack of reliable evidence (or any at all), it will be difficult for members of any audience to view a piece as credible. That said, the absence of proof in Chua’s work could potentially downplay her credibility (along with significance and integrity) as a writer.
Along with presenting unsupported ‘information’, Chua tries to give insight to a concept that isn’t reflected in actuality. In fact, she disregards data to a point in which she not only doesn’t give proof, but the ‘theory’ she delivers is also highly disprovable. With huge generalizations like Chua’s, one would expect that the value of education would be strongly upheld by the Chinese government. Especially when one considers China’s “86.7%” female literacy rate in a nation that is “91.6%” literate (according to the CIA World Fact Book), one would expect the figures to be much higher for a culture that deeply values education. However according to www.china.org.cn’s, “Expenditure on Education” (a government sponsored web-portal): “… [China]… has increased expenditure on education… [up to] only 3.01 percent of the GDP in 2006…” That in stark contrast to the United States’ “5.5%” in expenditures for education in 2007 [CIA], and Lesotho which had “12.4%” of its expenditures go towards its education system in the year 2008 [CIA]. One could argue that if education is imperative to Chinese society, then the government would make more of an effort in giving more funding to the education system. The opposition may contend that Lesotho’s situation is less complex, for it is small in both populace and geography, and that China is too big (in both senses of size) thus equating to more complex problems on a larger scale. However Lesotho is for the most part, a ‘poor’ state. And given China’s current economic status as the world’s largest and fastest growing economy, it would be safe for one to suspect that China has more than enough funds in its reserves to put forth extra funding towards its education system. That said, Amy Chua has not only lagged in providing evidence, but her portrayal of education as being a huge priority to Chinese society is debatable as well.
Overall, it would be fair to say that Chua has made it difficult for readers to widely respect her reputation as a writer. One being she speaks of Chinese values in a light that can be perceived as ‘Sino-centric’. Two being that she allowed her voice to become bigger than her, speaking for not just all Chinese parents, but cultures whose values which she claims could be perceived as ‘Chinese’. Thirdly, Chua provides little to no evidence when it comes to validating her claim. And lastly, her argument is so inaccurate, that even statistics from the Chinese government itself doesn’t help to back Chua’s piece. With that, it goes without saying that Amy Chua’s “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”, can be viewed as nothing more than a well-publicized rant that’s meant to fan a cultural ego.
WORK CITED:
· Chua, Amy. “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” The Wall Street Journal. 8 Jan. 2011. Web 27 Feb. 2011
· Central Intelligence Agency. “CIA World Fact Book.” https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/index.html. 14 Feb. 2011 Web 25 Feb. 2011
· CHINA. “Expenditure On Education”. http://www.china.org.cn/english/GS-e/238983.htm 11 Jan. 2008. Web 27 Feb. 2011
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI was very impressed with the vocab used in your rebuttal; it really came through to me your credibility, which allowed me to think more favorably on your side. Your authoritative voice used in this rebuttal also increased your ethos as well as effectively ripping apart Chua’s editorial. You used extremely critical and well thought out points to strip Chua of any credibility she had left, rendering her defenseless without a follower. I especially enjoyed your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction introduced the editorial nicely and used acknowledgement and response to tell the reader what Chua’s purpose was, and then explaining why that was ineffective. Your conclusion wrapped up all of your points and reminded the reader once again why it Chua’s argument is not a legit one. I also enjoyed your mention of both the rhetorical appeals and situation. It shows you are knowledgeable and creates a bias towards your argument, rather than Chua’s.
Although I did enjoy the high level of vocab, and I know this is a college-level paper, but as I was reading, it did slow me down and I had to read sentences over multiple times to understand them, which is not that effective. I had to look up the meaning of “en masse,” and this could be my ignorance, but again, think about your audience and perhaps tone down a few words; it might help with the flow of your rebuttal.
For the quotes you did use, you had effective lead-ins and follow out explanations to help the reader understand your research. But I would try to find more sources or just incorporate them into your paper more. Try to balance your opinion and research/facts. I also was not sure if you cited your third source. If you did not, take it off the works cited page. The extra research will add more convincing evidence to your claim.
Overall, you have an extremely well-written rebuttal and are on your way to a great paper! Just add some more research/quotes and you will be fine! Good job so far and good luck on your revisions!
--Ethan Freedman
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to start off by saying I enjoyed reading your rebuttal. I was fairly impressed with your introduction and I think you clearly stated your claim without a doubt. I also liked your used of sources and facts such as the literacy percentages. I feel that you have strong sources and that you can do a lot with them.
As for the improvements on the paper, I think that the paragraph on education could have a stronger lead-in instead of just going right into it. Also, the vocabulary made me double take on some sentences, but I do think it is effective to a point.
In all, I enjoyed reading about your point of view and I think you are on track to having a very successful paper. Good luck with your revision and see you in class on Monday.
~Jake Eckhaus
Dear Caleale,
ReplyDeleteYour rebuttal was excellent. Right off the bat, I must say that you used very good vocabulary, and its use adds to the credibility of the paper. However, sometimes I think your vocabulary is more impressive than your argument. Maybe that's a matter of opinion, but you may want to tone it down in some cases, so the focus of your rebuttal is on your argument instead of your language.
I also enjoyed your use of multiple non-article related sources, such as your statistical sources regarding literacy. That really brings the argument to a new level by incorporating lots of factual information that is not directly related to the argument.
I really can't think of too many other tips to give you on this essay, mainly because it wasn't the easiest read ever. But I enjoyed it very much. You have a strong rebuttal argument, and great credible sources and examples.
Good luck on your revision!
- Greg
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your first draft of your rebuttal. Your first paragraph states your claim clearly. Your use of words such as "rant" in describing Chua's article helps the reader to know what you think of it and the quotes you use to support that claim are very good. I liked your third paragraph, when you address that Chua tries to establish common ground by stating "I'm using the term 'Chinese mother' loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too", but you show that she later fails at doing this and contradicts herself.
Things to work on:
-Although some of your vocab is impressive and adds to your credibility, some of it seemed over the top and does not help the reader flow through your paper easily. For example, I don't know how many people know what "en masse" means.
-In your intro, you refer to "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" as a piece. After I read your first sentence I thought to myself, "A piece of what? Is it from a book an article?" Just state clearly what your source is.
-Some phrases you use I do not think are necessary and take away from the confidence you want your reader to feel. For example, first paragraph "With that said" is unnecessary, just state the point. Beginning of second paragraph, "Perhaps", beginning of third paragraph, "Probably", these do not make the author sound confident. You have to be confident in your statements then the reader with be confident they are taking in credible information.
Overall, I think your paper is well written and each paragraph flows nicely into the other. With just some editing, your paper will sound less "wordy" and it will be very strong and persuasive. Great job Caleale and good luck with your revision!
-Rebecca Moran
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this rebuttal for a few reasons. First and foremost, we wrote about the same topic and it seems as though we took Amy Chua's message and tone very similarly. This made your claims very easy to relate to and agree with. Also, the length of the paragraphs were managable, which made it easy to read. The peice was very well structured as a whole.
The only aspect that I would consider the revising is the wording at parts. The vocabulary used was impressive and for the most part highlighted your points, but at points it got a little convoluted. Understandably as a good writer you want to switch up how things are said or worded, but at times it got overly-complicated and the flow of the paper was compromised.
All in all, you are clearly on the right path with this. With a few revisions, this will be a very strong paper. Good luck with the editting process.
-Brendan Casey
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCaleale,
ReplyDeleteYou have written a very good first draft. You definitely put in a lot of thought and research into it. I was very impressed by some of the words that you used and the way you structured your essay. It flowed nicely and really just made a lot of sense.
The only notable criticism that I would make is your use of parenthesis. I felt that you used them too much. It got a bit distracting when I kept seeing your thoughts and clarifications in parenthesis in every paragraph. I feel that you can keep some of those thoughts and clarifications, but use commas instead of parenthesis. The use of commas can provide the same function and it looks more natural. For example, in your 5th paragraph, there is an extensive quote and you say “…. 91.6% (according to the CIA World Fact Book.)” The use of parenthesis here is not needed and commas could be used instead.
For the most part, you wrote an excellent draft. Besides for some grammatical things, you seem to have most things under control. Good luck on your revisions!
Greg
Caleale:
ReplyDeleteYour rebuttal is very powerful so far. It is easy to tell that you put a lot of time and work into writing this. Your semantics are especially strong and this adds credibility to yourself as a writer. The structure of your piece also adds to its successful.
My advice to you is more on the entire argument as a whole rather than individual elements:
To be blunt, it seems as though you put more time into impressing the audience with your vocabulary than trying to impressive them with your reasons. I was impressed by your choice of words, but did not really understand your evidence or purpose.
You need to keep in mind your audience while writing an argument. Honestly, it took me a much longer time to read your paper than it should have taken me.
You shouldn't really change the structure of your paper, but should go through each sentence and try to format them or word them differently. Many of your sentences are a tad bit wordy which creates a disturbance in your overall flow which takes away from the strength of your argument. Actually, the wordiness even makes it difficult to point out your reasons and evidence within each paragraph.
Overall, this is a really great start! You have your argument in place and just need a few touch ups.
Good luck on everything!
-Joni Fromer
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI was very intrigued and impressed by your paper. Your introduction is spot on. I thought it was clear, concise, and overall effective. It was to the point and yet revealed the entirety of your essay's purpose. Overall your essay flowed very nicely and your argument was stable.
As much as I was impressed with your strong use of vocabulary, at times it was a bit too much. While it did give you as an author credit, it did distract me from your overall objective, to convince me of you claim and not just your credibility. I would suggest you also do not start off with paragraphs with the words "perhaps" or "probably." You must be confident to make others confident in what you say. Your topic sentences for the most part are great, but I would suggest that transitions be worked on. While the sentences wrap up the paragraph nicely, hint something of what you are about to say next in the final sentences as well.
I liked the use of your sources, but I would have liked to seen outside information in the essay earlier than it appeared. I think it would be more effective to show that while Chua has no basis for her claim, you immediately do.
Your conclusion was very sound. The summary of your evidence was again clear. I truly enjoy the book ends of your essay and suggest not touching a thing about them.
Great start and good luck!
Molly Schneider
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your paper. It was entertaining to see how you tore apart Chau’s credibility with facts from the Chinese government that supported your claim.
I like how professional and objective your tone in the paper was, but I would be weary of using too many complicated phrases. I found myself rereading some sentences to fully understand what you were trying to convey. I felt that some of your sentences were run on like in paragraph 2. “Her use of words such as “order” sends across a message that Chinese parenting requires an immense amount of control, which is portrayed as being essential to ‘successful’ parenting and ensuring a positive academic turnout on part of the student.” It might be easier to break down your ideas in a few sentences than trying to string them into one.
Also, I think you could use some more
opinionated quotes. Try to find someone that will contribute to more pathos into your paper. Also paragraph 5 seems to be an entire page long, but that may spacing with the blog.
Overall, great paper I enjoyed it!
-Christina
Caleale, wonderful paper! I did mine on the same article and I have much to learn from yours. Your writing style is very fluid and easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteThe intro was very precise pointing out her claims and your refutations and counterarguments we easy to follow. The structure flows well and your ideas seem well thought through. I especially like your counterargument with the comparison of Chinese and U.S American govt. expenditures on education.
I honestly, do see any need for changes.
Great work!
Hi Caleale!
ReplyDeleteI'm just going to start right out by saying that I love your introduction. You did a very successful job of establishing your voice, and I found it very impressive that you were able to create a voice with a harsh opinion yet a respectful tone. You made it clear how strongly you feel about Chua's article, but kept it contained to a respectful but to-the-point rebuttal that very strongly rivals her writing.
I am also very impressed with your research, it is definitely clear in your writing that you went out of your way to do extensive research to support your claim. I think that the information you have provided is very good and seems very credible, and supports your claim successfully. This being said, however, at times I felt that you may have packed in a bit too much information. For example, in your paragraph about education funding in various countries, where you provided a couple of statistics, I felt a bit lost from your main point. I think this information is good and still supports your claim, but I almost think it's too much and not needed in your paper. Readers may feel somewhat lost by this point.
I will applaud you on your voice once again though, and how well you kept your audience in mind. I do not want to repeat what everyone above me has stated, but although it is clear that you were writing to a very intellectual and mature audience, I think your word choice, in combination with much of the information your chose to provide, may have been a bit heavy for our college-level course; this would explain why many of us felt a bit lost in reading your paper.
I really enjoyed reading your paper overall. The approach you took with it was very impressive - it was a nice change of pace to read a paper about her writing itself and the flaws in her argument rather than the content itself. You successfully discredited her claim without providing another arguable claim to counter-protest her own. It is clear that you do not agree, however many people who provide alternative arguments to Chua's writing may run into the issue that their own argument is not very strong. You did a good job of avoiding this problem, thus solidifying your argument tremendously.
Good job on your first draft and good luck with the rest of the writing process ahead of you!
-Meredith Bempkins
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteWell done on your first draft! I really enjoyed reading through your arguments. The essay is really well-structured and has several very strong points that make this paper a very strong one. In your second paragraph in particular, I’d like to point out how good of a job you did there—it was well argued, well structure, contained good points, and very persuasive. Your attempt to successfully prove that one of Chua’s major flaws was her patronizing and over-the-top demonstration of the superiority of the Chinese. Likewise, I had a similar reaction to the fourth paragraph. Again—well done.
Here are some suggestions for improvement:
1. There are a lot of extra or unnecessary words in much of your paper. It comes off as wordy, occasionally awkward, and almost too “fluffy.” To make your argument stronger, it may be prudent to eradicate many of these phrases. Although this is more of a grammatical or sentence structure issue, it is important and closely tied with the credibility and strength of your arguments.
2. On a related note, I’d like to see your paper be more aggressive on your stance. This can be achieved through simply eliminating many of the heretofore mentioned phrases that soften the statements (such as “One could argue that…” or “Probably…”). Be more assertive and plant your feet into the argument by avoiding the “maybes” or hypothetical rebuttals. THIS is a rebuttal, don’t be afraid to acknowledge it!
3. In your third paragraph, it may be good to mention the hypocrisy of her use of the “umbrella term.” Use the word and it’ll strengthen your argument.
4. Your fifth paragraph is a little long. Try either reducing and limiting its length or breaking it up into two paragraphs, as it drags somewhat.
Aside from these and the comments ive made on my hardcopy, this is a very solid paper and has potential to be even better through some simple revision. Good luck with your revision!
-Ethan Wennberg
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really nice job with your draft. You used a lot of unique and creative phrases/words that I think added a sense of credibility to your argument. The language you use makes you sound highly educated, as any expert would be. I think that it would be very appropriate if you are assuming that your audience members are highly educated as well, not just ordinary people.
I especially think your paper is interesting because I did mine on Chua's article as well but I went a totally different direction. I challenged the ideas of Chua's parenting style, while you tore apart how the article was written. I just thought that was kind of cool.
I think you did a great job of refuting Chua in a tone that is witty, and you didn't go too far with it. I thought your intro. was well-worded and captures one's attention successfully.
Also, I think that you could use another source of research, but the stuff you already have is good. A little more ethos might be a good thing though since you are criticizing so strongly in your paper.
Overall, great job!
Lindsay
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great paper! I could really hear your voice throughout the whole piece. Along with this, I think your writing was great and your vocabulary was superb. Your points were clearly written and you did a great job at including the text.
I think that with all of these things that you have done well, you still have a little room for improvement. For instance, I think that your evidence about the chinese statistics could be a little more succinct and clearer. All of those numbers kind of confuse the reader and it might be more effective to paraphrase to get the gist of it. Along with this, I think it might be beneficial to add another source to get another point of view.
Other than those things, I think this is a great paper!
Well done.
Elizabeth Rubel
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your paper! I liked the diverse language and vocabulary you used in your paper. I thought it really helped give your paper credibility while really giving a voice to the essay. I thought there were a few areas in which you could be more assertive with your opinion. Instead of saying words like "perhaps", take them out and state your opinion as fact. It really helps 'harden' you paper up.
Your statistics were relavent and useful though I think you should either space them help apart or have fewer just because some paragraphs seem a bit clustered with facts and numbers and its a bit overwhelming at times.
Great job I can't wait to see the final product! =)
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteThis was a great first draft! I really heard your voice behind the argument, especially through your word choice. I think especially because you gain so much credibility through your words that you should make some sentences stronger by stating "this is" instead of "perhaps." Also it seems to me that the only thing thats missing from this paper would be acknowledgement and response. If there was even a bit of that maybe in the second or third paragraph that would make your argument a lot stronger. There is a possibility of someone disagreeing from the beginning and not really taking the rest of the paper seriously.
Great job!
Caleale,
ReplyDeleteYou have a great first draft here. Your arguments are successfully organized in separate paragraphs and each paragraph has its own articulated main claim backed up with, in my opinion, a good balance of opinion and substantial evidence.
As many have previously stated, your vocabulary is quite impressive. However, I too find myself having to re-read sentences because a lot of the main points are muddled down with long sentences with complicated words. I think especially in this situation, it's very important to think about your audience- You are trying to make persuasive claims to support your argument against another piece that is trying to do the same thing. Therefore, it is critical that your audience understands each claim supported by your own words.
Your vocabulary and the different variety of sentence structure definitely add to the effectiveness in your paper. It actually gives you more credibility because as a reader, I like to trust that the author of the piece I am reading is competent and intelligent. However, all of that knowledge goes to waste when I can't make out the main idea of certain sentences.
Great job incorporating credible sources. I feel like you really put in a lot of effort to creatively mold your arguments using documentation to effectively back them up.
Many times throughout the paper, your language seems as though you are questioning yourself, or even the claims you are trying to argue. Using "perhaps" or any other word evoking a feeling of probability actually takes away from your credibility as an author. With each argument, you need to be as confident as possible. This also goes with the idea that there are some unnecessary words and phrases scattered throughout your paper. For instance, I got thrown off when I read: "With that," followed by another transitional clause. Just keep the outline of ideas simple, and use your vocabulary to act as its own evidence to ensure credibility without letting it take precedence over the idea of the claim.
Also, in the beginning paragraph I think it's important to mention more about the editorial you are rebutting such as where it came from and what type of "piece" it is.
Like I said before, your organization is impressive and I like that you touched upon all of your main points in the conclusion.
This is a great first draft. I am really impressed with your sentence structures, organization and vocabulary. I'm sure your revision will result in an even more effective paper. Good luck!
~Molly
Hey Caleale!
ReplyDeletePretty good first draft, the word choice was great, and so was your overall attitude in the paper.
At times I felt that your draft just got a bit too wordy. Try to keep most sentences concise. Also, I felt like you used your evidence just a bit too late. There is a ton of refuting before any sort of evidence is presented. Also, make sure to offer some acknowledgement and response. The argument you make seems very bitter without it. It's okay to have that goal, and i think it'll sound better with just a bit of that acknowledgement.
Overall, great job!
-mark
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCaleale,
ReplyDeleteI think that you started off with a solid intro and good claim.
Overall, you have a lot of really good information packed into your essay. You also make some strong points throughout the essay.
I think that you have an interesting claim towards the essay. It is one that you back up very well.
The only thing I would suggest is to watch your wording. Some of your sentences run on a little too long.
I hope this helps and good luck with your second draft.
-Dan